I am Jack's Bleeding Heart

I'm sorry i disappoint.

2011-12-09T07:31:00.000-08:00

I am Jack's Bleeding Heart.

And so it is. The disappointment of my parents. I’ve tried to be a good person. If they even knew the things I gave up or tried to do to make them happy. It’s sickening how they shoot me down; it’s even worse how much this affects me. I’ve always fancied my emotional defence like a wall; impenetrable, impermeable and invulnerable. But it seems so fragile now.

I guess this ranting to digital silence is somewhat therapeutic. It certainly makes me feel better whenever I type this out.

2011-11-28T19:58:00.000-08:00

GOAL SETTING TIME:
by 31 dec 2011, i would have:
#1. Set up my resume
#2. Applied to HK Law firms
#3. Finished IPPT
#4. taken a good good good break.

2010-02-17T07:12:00.001-08:00

come with me to seychelles please.

2009-12-19T00:15:00.001-08:00

It's not fair. and im jealous.

asdfklj;aweiofj

2009-10-08T03:39:00.000-07:00

I hate this.

2009-09-01T02:04:00.001-07:00

Late night, come home.
Work sucks, I know.

Lolita

2009-08-15T07:51:00.000-07:00

I am thinking of aurochs and angels,

And this is the only immortality

you and I

may share,

my Lolita.

Flightless Bird

2009-08-15T03:34:00.000-07:00

is the song that's playing now.

Jing Song left yesterday, and he's off to Duke to study some insanely powerful course to prepare him for the Prime Minister role that he will eventually assume. Readers to my blog (yes, the 2 of you) and close friends would definitely know that the USA dream was always something important to me, that I wanted to do (badly).

I just thought I'll post this sms exchange between the two of us

C: Goodbye my lover!

JS: Goodbye my friend )-:

C: Come on Jingsong! This is such an exciting time for you! It's what you always wanted :):) Think of all the times we had, especially spitfire. This isn't goodbye :D Duke will be fun, and after all, we swore to overcome adversity with courage fortitude and determination right? :D

JS: I am blessed to have walked an unimaginable distance with you, cephas. Good bye.

omg my heart melted.

Be strong Jing Song. Live your dreams, and maybe you'll live my dream for me.

2009-08-05T08:10:00.000-07:00

I am Jack's Bleeding Heart.

alone, tonight.

2009-08-05T07:12:00.001-07:00

because the pain's just too much.

where'd you go

2009-07-19T03:52:00.000-07:00

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you'd gone
and let the world spin madly on

10 little toe nails sitting on the wall

2009-07-16T01:11:00.000-07:00

I am Jack's Bleeding ~~Heart~~ Nail.

I went for my Ingrown toenail operation today and ouch, it was really painful.

I always thought i was someone that could withstand alot of pain. I have stepped on nails (by accident), stapled my hand, removed a strip of skin from my finger with a knife, sprained both ankles, sprained a wrist, knocked my 2 front teeth out, smashed my nose against a ball till it bled ... but today, as i lay on the operating table, the doctor cut out my toenail, i swear i nearly fainted.

Let me digress by saying that i am no stranger to this surgery, because I have done it before when similarly due to the stresses of impacting a spherical rubber object across plains of grass, my toenails protested and grew into my flesh. I tahaned this pain for a good 2 months before i seeked help and till now i blame this for my poor A div performance. haha.

Today, the doctor started cutting me up when i could still feel the pain.

Me: That hurts, really. Is it supposed to hurt?
Doctor: I think what is meant here is discomfort; Local anaesthetic is like that. Try to bear with it.
Me: Oh god [moans]. This is really painful. I am grabbing myself there are fingernail marks all over my arms. Is it like that?

Nurse: Hang in there, it will be over.

It is after a few minutes of my incessant complaining where i think something snapped and:

Doc: Ok, I am going to give you another shot of painkillers.

The rest of the surgery proceeeded on pretty smoothly after that, but really I was scarred.

My toe hurts :(

2009-07-14T08:51:00.000-07:00

We watch the season pull up its own stakes,
And catch the last weekend of the last week,
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced.
Another sun soaked season fades away.

You have stolen my heart.

You're still kinda cute

2009-07-14T08:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I don't know if anyone reads this anymore. So its kinda liberating to just type what's been going on in my life.
I guess my perspective on life has really changed alot ever since i entered NS and especially after i commissioned. There's so much more to life than what i thought, and ultimately, your loved ones are the most important.
I am filled with vigor now, to chase my dreams.
But this isn't about me.

It's about my family.
It's about the girlfriend <3
It's about the friends.

As what that giant tagboard in front of Paya Lebar Air Base says,

I am here for a higher purpose.

Roses are Red, Diamonds are Blue

2009-06-05T04:24:00.000-07:00

It has been a really harrowing few weeks both at work and in my personal life and I'm glad for this breather. I'm tired, really and everything just keeps on coming. Let us all be cliche and say that 24 hours a day is really not enough. I just finished reading and watching fight club and i must say its such a queer and refreshing story. I am Jack's Bleeding Heart.

It was a silly thought, spurred by impulse, boredom and bragging rights at the local bar. But now, for the *gasp* third time I have finished that #%^%&# 42.195km.

Whoever knew? but I had fun, met up some old friends, walked a great bit with jiahui and lui and ultimately fucked up my knee to an irreparable state and as I finished the race, the only thing in my mind was, again? haha. Let me know if you wanna run. Maybe I'll do something stupid again.

Wanjing's flying off to korea to find the wonder girls and really, im gonna miss her quite badly for the 8 days that she will be gone. I'm going to slit her throat. no. Just kidding. But anyway, her life seems pretty much on track now and I'm glad that her operation and everything worked out well.

My post ORD plans to sing at some orchard road corner with justin seems to be going on quite well and we are playin (in my opinion!) quite well. We have about 5-6 songs now and we're hoping to expand to about 20 before actually committing ourself to it.

KTV LATER!

Hands Down

2009-05-03T07:00:00.000-07:00

Its another sunday, and slowly but surely NS is being whittled down. I screwed up today when my phone ran out of batt and I would hate to think what the WOs thought about this young junior officer as they scrambled trying to call me. Sigh.

On another hand, hung is back. Me and Yan went to pick him up at the airport and we had dinner at his place. It's really nice to see him again and he seems so much more mature, so much more of a man now. He and dorcas, I hope they last, cause they do seem happy.

there is just no love from universities for myself and my friends and I curse them, though there's no one to blame other than ourselves.

hahha saw this old pic. grr rachel you pangseh me today hahahahahahah very angry!

2009-04-30T05:51:00.001-07:00

come back to me

2009-04-25T01:52:00.001-07:00

Take your time i wont go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you

Oh and i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

Its a matter of perception

2009-04-17T18:21:00.000-07:00

Cause you choose to see what you don't have,
and I choose to see what I have.

2009-04-02T04:08:00.000-07:00

now all I have left is a waitlist, by my suppposed safety school. ahhh the ironies of life. It's like when you tell yourself long enough what you could possibly happen you start to believe in it. It swells and swells till suddenly it bursts and suddenly just crashes into flames. Now, its snap back to reality. The metaphoric cold water is fucking freezing and I'm at a lost. I sound so obnoxious and egoistic and self elitist but in my whole life I have never experienced the feeling of having failed to get what I wanted and despite a lifetime of hardwork, I am going to be consigned to fucking mediocrity and it really is so unfair. Justin and Shawn, 2 people who I think are brilliant both didnt get jack shit. so really who am i to judge myself against them.

I am now at a lost as to what to do next cause I really do not think I can put myself through the emotional trauma of applying to the schools all over again. I really think whats the point becuase in the current economic turmoil much of my parent's slush fund for me has been wiped out. I can't afford it and no scholarship would want my lack of perfect scores. It is perhaps just as well.
Who am I kidding, bright lights, alcohol and smoke does not fill this void. We're empty.
I used to write in my cadet days (read "forced") but now when I look at it my life was really a surreal experience back then. Now, I deal with politics and staff work more than running through the jungle and I do admit I kinda miss the days. I saw my fear when I just started to the pride and passion that I now have for the defence of Singapore. Sigh.

2009-03-23T21:40:00.001-07:00

I finally met the love of my life. I can't live without her. She is the air i breathe the water i drink the food i eat without her my life would be empty. I can't express in words what I feel about her but i hope she knows that my feelings for her are true.

Mediocracy

2009-03-23T07:32:00.000-07:00

I really am quite worried I am going to end up my life with nothing. I need to be spectacular. Which is so egoistical.

I really am sick of 113. ahhh politics.

My brain's kinda fried given the little hours I have been sleeping and Im trying to update my blog in an easy point.

1. I have met wanjing's parents on a number of occasions and it does sound so silly to gush but I really am hopeful of me and her.

2. Fag didn't get OCS. Im kinda disappointed because I really thought he would make it. So now here's wishing all the best.

3. Late night, come home. Work sucks, I know.

YOU.

2009-03-12T10:20:00.000-07:00

Went to visit Wanjing at CGH and I must say im really proud of her. She just cut open her knee, took out 1 tendon, fixed it to her knee as a ligament and she is still able to smile about it. I would be freaked out by now.

It's a gradual kind of love =)
Thailand, here i come!

bright lights

2009-03-10T20:42:00.000-07:00

I logged onto facebook last night as I was DO and I saw facebook comments pertaining to the next batch of OCS cadets graduating. I instantly flash back to my times in ocs.
I was so full of hope, where I, the young second lieutenant (YSL) was going to change the world, one charming speech at a time.
I am so jaded now,where I am faced with sluggishness from everyone around.

I really do wish everyone has a chance to go through OCS, no matter your reason. Some people do it for the parade, some people do it for the comms ball, some people do it cause they have pride and some do it because others do it. No matter your motivation, if you approach this the right way, then definitely it would benefit you.

As I through my peaked cap into the sunset, In that one moment I saw myself carrying keith on a stretcher, grunting for dear life as the unforgiving metal cut into my skin and muscles.
I saw how I lost love, and found new love again.
I saw myself getting a rash on my back that tortured me to no end.
I saw how I did so well in sierra that I got asked to take up scholarship with the SAF.
I also saw how I dug and dug till my hands were blistered in scorpion king where i was covered in mud, rain and sweat.
I rememberd being forced to kneel for about half an hour with my rifle above my head after i had fallen asleep in sentry.
I remembering feeling so ugh-ish when i got posted to signals.
I thought of biang of weisheng, brien, alex and matthew.
I remember bunk2-18A.
I remember nearly passing out from exhaustion during gemini.
I remember walking and walking during spitfire.
I remember joint term where it was so close but still so far.

Now, I'm an officer and my life is much better. but somehow i miss the old days :(

stolenlove

2009-03-08T08:54:00.000-07:00

I never did think that I would be the sort. I just had a really enjoyable dinner with w's parents where we went to some stiff upper lip japanese restaurant for some buffet dinner. Other than exploding our bellies, I got to see her parents which was really something new.

I'm never good with awkward thumb twiddling first dinners and hence I was really apprehensive. thank god for NS, where her daddy was some armor officer. we talked quite abit and it broke the ice.

I like not having to hide.

fear

2009-01-25T10:23:00.000-08:00

It's the lunar new year and the year is going at full speed ahead. It's moving fast, and I think my NS experience will end soon enough.

It's amazing how one offhand remark by that one person can affect me this badly.

2009-01-03T08:38:00.000-08:00

With every appearance by you, blinding my eyes,
I can hardly remember the last time I felt like I do.
You're an angel disguised.

And you're lying real still,
but your heart beat is fast just like mine.
And the movie's long over,
that's three that have passed, one more's fine.









I just had the most most most enjoyable soccer session I have
ever had for a few months today.To see 7 years of understanding translate
 into movement and passing on the pitch is quite a wonderful feeling I must say.
Yan fong was really emoish today and I don't blame him. Enlisting's tough,
on the body and especially on the mind.  To suddenly lose your friends and family
 to go to a hostile unfamiliar domain can be tough. I do hope he becomes an officer,
because he really deserves it. I hope my parade has inspired him, that all the shit is worth it.

Im really feeling super melancholic now, and I do miss you.

cause you take me by the heart when you take me by the hand

2009-01-01T08:02:00.001-08:00

You should know it's true.
Just now, the part about my love for you,
And how my hearts about to burst,
Into a thousand pieces.
So, it must be true.
And they'll believe us too soon.

Baby, it's fact,
Our love is true.
The way black is black,
And blue is just blue.
My love is true,
It's a matter of fact.
Oh, and you love me too.
It's a simple as that.
Baby, our love is true.

lets pretend we're alone

2008-12-31T21:59:00.000-08:00

It's a brand new year. New start, new day.

stay close

2008-12-28T07:41:00.000-08:00

I think I love you.

Cause there was nothing in there but you;

2008-12-23T23:06:00.000-08:00

click here, to watch just about the sweetest video I have ever watched in a long long long time.

Went back to Signal Institute to return parade stores as well as to eat a very nice Christmas lunch. It's really wonderful to see people again and we compare our lives. In a way this might just be the way we feel after we finish university? But it was a nice way to spend the morning of Xmas eve.

I think of you and I wish you could be right here.

My bedbuddy seems really stressed about his love life and although mine is just about comparable, I do wish him all the best and that he resolves it as quickly as he can.

I think this christmas might just be perfect. =D

Just make them disappear

2008-12-23T13:43:00.000-08:00

It's the eve of Christmas and having slept before midnight for the first time in about a week, I am now wide awake at this unearthly time. Christmas this year doesn't really feel all special at all, and there is no carolling from my church, no visit to old friends, nothing. My church camp which I am told was a blast took place while i was in bangkok. so, sigh.

We went to bangkok which was really really nice. This was the first time going overseas with my friends so it was something new. To see hung again after 5 long months was also very nice. He does seem to be enjoying himself there and I do hope he stays happy always. He really has matured into a fine young man with a more seasoned and experienced view of the world. He told me about how he saw how poor people are in thailand and how blessed we singaporeans are and really I am so proud of him. It really is true when my biggest gripe about my life is that I am unable to finance an overseas education while the worries that the people of thailand have are where their next meal is coming from.

I also saw the youth in bangkok running stores in street markets, driving tuktuks and pretty much doing menial, laborous tasks with little hope for the future and that is so sad. Hope is the defining characteristic of humanity and without it, I feel that you are just waiting to die.

My new posting's kinda screwy, cause it is very IT based. I saw my upperstudy sign 7 right in front of me and that does not bode well for my future. The OC and CO do seem very nice though. My sergeants are all very friendly and helpful towards me so i think I'll be fine.

When Time Stood Still

2008-12-17T09:40:00.000-08:00

I am an officer of the Singapore Armed Forces.

My Duty is to Lead, to Excel, and to Overcome.

I lead my men by example

I answer for their training, morale and discipline.

I must excel in everything I do.

I serve with pride, honour and integrity.

I will overcome adversity with courage, fortitude and determination.

I dedicate my life to Singapore.

a teary toss

2008-12-12T10:52:00.000-08:00

It seems when just when i thought it would be the most awesome day of my life you wont be there to see me.

It's commissioning day tomorrow and I really cannot wait for that moment. It really has been an incredible ride and I have made such wonderful friends throughout the way.
I once read that war not only draws men together it also repels them apart. I guess this is party true and I do hope that we can stay together always.
Had a chat with serene on msn and suddenly the memories of what we have gone through all came back. The songs the laughter the blood the sweat and ultimately the sense of pride that I believe we will all feel when we stand on that hallowed ground.

red tide rising

2008-12-06T11:30:00.000-08:00

It's a few hours before the marathon and I am waking for fag's dad to come and pick me up. It has been one solid year since the last one and really, so much has changed. Time really really flies, especially with us growing older and older.
I do find myself become more and more naggy and I really do not like this new me. Help.
I think of the past and I think of you and I really do hope you're fine.

I just got my sword and its so pretty =D

sweep sweep

2008-11-21T08:51:00.000-08:00

oh wow, it really has been eons since i last updated.
It's kinda disappointing, because I really have seem to have shut down and stopped caring.
My uni applications are left in a tangled mess and I really am filled with apathy to go and sweep it up to go and fix up.
In army, I always thought I could excel but now everything is crumbling and I just do not care.
At least the friends are priceless I guess.

Everytime people asked me when I was going to commission I would give the same "Still long" reply and it is true, OCS has been an incredible mental drain. It is true that all of us have that rank to look forward to but still, keeping yourself motivated is very very hard.
Today, as I stepped into safti as the first day of joint term, its really so surreal as all the shit that we have to take on as cadets are finally behind us.
The girls in uni now will never understand how this is such a big deal for the guys, how all we can talk about at this point of time is commissioning ball and life as an officer. Maybe even the chaokeng guys wont understand.

Watching Wen Hao give the valedictory speech about how we are now standing at the gates of officership has really made me reflect on the long journey I have taken. I remember the depression of BMT, where I felt very bad. I whined and I must have been an unbearable strain to all my friends. I remember breaking up with my girlfriend and thinking I would never be happy again. I remember Sierra wing, where I made so many good friends and suffered with them. I remember bringing wanjing to social night where I had so much fun. I remember brunei where I climbed with 2lt new. I think of signals and how it is so misunderstood by all the other arms. It is really very tough and everyone has suffered greatly. I think of SPITFIRE where me jingsong new and raymond walked and walked and never gave up. I have come of age, I would like to think.

Everytime I talk to people who have yet to enter NS, they tend to ask for the way to get the easiest way out. I always tell them to not do it, because "Two paths diverge in the woods, I took the one less travelled and that has made all the difference." When you suffer you learn how to accept the unreasonable and motivate yourself to go through the trials and tribulations, no matter how bad is it. This is essentially skills that will carry you far in life and hence, at the end of your 2 years you might not believe in the defensive capabilities of this country but at least you have learnt something.

I know my writing is really convoluted and twisted now, but its 1am and I really am just penning down whatever comes into my head.

I heard my posting is some slack 8-5 job, so while i thank god for that, a part of me is really disappointed. I think a part of me wants men under me. I would love to be an inspirational leader to them, moulding them into fine young men. I would love to stand in front of them ,motivating unmotivated people to achieve what they never thought they could. Thinking of my visit to 3signal, a PC said that" cadets are special cause they have the rank to work to; your men only have ORD" The challenge to lead them is something that really appeals to me. I would love to go uni with my men and to hear them tell their friends " This is my officer, and he changed my life" Would have made all the difference.

As I grow and exit my teenage years, it is with sadness that I think of all my old friends; friends that I will probably never meet up again. Friends like sirong edwin jonathan sherri joanne leanne and all from primary school. I know sirong is in delta comandos but the rest i have no clue where they are and it does seem quite sad when we were all such good friends back in primary school. Why can't life be like facebook, where friends made stay that way?

my knee is increasingly rickety and I think I am going to seek medical attention to it next year, where I can get it fixed at taxpayer's expense.

an update, finally

2008-09-14T01:58:00.000-07:00

ok ok here goes nothing.
It's been 3 months since my last update and to my 2 faithful readers I am really really sorry.
Ok I am now in my professional term in OCS and this means there are 3 worthless bars on my shoulder above the sexy sexy singapura. I am now in signals and I am perhaps the worst cadet there. I fail tests and fall asleep when im not supposed to. hoho.

one significant thing to note of late is the express interest forms. We get to choose our future jobs after commissioning and I have chosen the BSO path. hhaha It is the most challenging one but hey, i would like a meaningful NS.

MAF had just passed and I danced with shawn as my dance partner for the 3rd year in a row. I really am quite good at the female part. haha.

We opened our cadet's mess a few weeks ago and me, ruiyi and andre played 2 songs. Such great heights by iron and wine, and wonderwall by oasis. It was pretty darn cool seeing a bunch of drunk drunk cadets sing along and it felt very very good. Following that, we all got high and the most memorable part of the night was to see jingsong dancing.

Up next is Ex livewire and Virgo and it promises to be a very tough 2 weeks. well, at least i got the weekend to look forward to.

Commissioning is just around the corner and i can smell those fragile choc bars already.

Again, I am going to contribute to the USA GDP by unleashing a torrent of applications there. ok, overstatement. It's just 3 schools this time; dartmouth columbia and wesleyan. God, please? =D

sigh. its book in time again. fuck.

Tonight

2008-07-12T11:07:00.000-07:00

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

I do love sitting by the Singapore river and look at the calm waters splash against the side. It's so therapeutic and relaxing that when I sit there nothing else seems to matter.
Signals is really starting on a very bad note and I really am hating the course. The efficiency level of the instructors and commanders are appalling and something so simple can take a few hours for them to brief us.
My IPPT is coming up and I really hope I can redo the miracle of sierra and jump a 234, though my gut says I won't be able to.

the calm before the storm

2008-06-27T20:20:00.000-07:00

I'll be leaving for brunei in a few more days and all is melancholic. As daniel puts it, its "a cursed land that god has forsaken". The safety briefing we had on the trip was certainly sobering and we saw all the horrors that awaits us.
I have been posted to signals(!) which is absolutely lovely. It's like 10 minutes from my house and the fact that so many brudders are there already ensure that my life there will be good xD.
It's sad, seeing brothers walk away. Joint term awaits!

Not the wu-shi finger hold!

2008-06-16T06:01:00.000-07:00

It's a quiet monday night and I'm in my bunk. The wing has booked out and im the @#$#ing Cadet Duty Officer today, so the hole building has me and this other guy. It's really quite and experience to just sit in front of this computer and slowly type what I have wanted to always say for the past few weeks but never got down to doing it, while there are no screams of pain and guitar noises and other what-have-yous in the background.

One thing about life in the army is that despite limiting the quantity of time you have with your family and friends, the amount of quality time you have with them actually increases. They certainly do treat me like royalty whenever i'm home =D

I do miss going to church and just enjoying myself, and bumming around at home or playing at the street court. OCS is certainly not easy on one's work-life balance (haha) and relationships. I just learnt that my block leave is not so much a block but a 1 day off before I go into my senior term.

The commissioning parade was held last Saturday and I saw the 69th batch of officers walk smartly out into the stadium. As they sang the OCS song ( We come from OCS, we are the very best.....) I saw many cadets and parents struggle to hold their emotions back. It really is a very long journey, and I hope that I can sing that song and march out on the parade square with my chest filled with pride. As erwin aptly put: " It's worth it; all of this."

Social night is up next, on thursday where I really hope to have a fun night with my platoon and their dates.

change side change

2008-06-06T10:45:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since i updated, with good reason. I've finished about a great chunk of the ocs syllabus for service term and I must say i'm impressed with myself because i really never never thought i could do it. Shows alot of mind over matter =D

Sierra platoon 3 is really awesome and I'm gonna miss all of them when we split up to go to our various vocations.

together, we are sierra wing
together, we are platoon 3
together, we are marching on
together we will sing this song

we are, we are platoon 3
2 years serve our country
don't care, who's our enemy
beware, we are platoon 3, platoon 3

desperation;

2008-05-23T08:06:00.000-07:00

There's this scene in a movie I saw years ago.

Pretty girl gets dumped by Hot guy and then Pretty Girl goes to find Geeky boy Neighbor Who Loves Her for a backup date.

Geeky boy Neighbor Who Loves Her refuses and says "I can't always be your second choice; Not When you're my first."

Here's what's going on with my life now:

1. It's another lonely night in OCS where its the dreaded cbre tests tmr. Gas masks are a turnoff, totally.
2. My level of frrivolous purchases has gone up, with me buying a swatch watch on impulse.
3. I hate getting stood up. I think it is basic morals to keep your promises.
4. Had a platoon 3 gathering at kuishin-bo (however you spell it). It was awesome. These guys keep me sane in the insane world I live in. As corrine may puts it, Safe in a crazy world.
5. The song "I will follow you into the dark" is perhaps one of the highest played songs in my itunes now.

digital love

2008-05-11T00:54:00.000-07:00

When I am feeling nostalgic or just plain bored, I often open up the saved chat logs and read through them. I can almost feel the past reenact right in front of me. Digital information lasts forever, and that bit of memory is actually just a few kilobytes of data in the gigabytes of storage i have. That information will never be gone but at the same time, they will never be back.

That summer love; You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand.

nirvana

2008-05-07T16:25:00.000-07:00

Having been the unfortunate victim of the monkey bars in the standard obstacle course, my palms are (again) blistered and bleeding. We however have been fortunate enough to have in our possesion the fabled green grass oil.

The green grass oil is touted as china's answer to blisters and any other open wounds and us officers-to-be decided to try it out last night.

It must have been a comical sight, to see me and justin fumbling with the bottle and putting a few drops on our palms.

Then we felt the pain.

It was as if ten milllion needles were trying to force their way into that small open wound and in the process rip the nerves out of your skin. There we were screaming and hopping trying to somehow ease the pain but it was relentless.

That was fun.

Now I guess I can relate to why people cut themselves. Cause it feels so good when the pain stops.

welcome home; you

2008-05-04T23:30:00.000-07:00

They say people devote themselves to something inanely with all their minds for three reasons.
Either they're crazy, passionate or they're trying to forget.
With you, I knew you were trying to forget. All i needed to know was her name.

-Gus, The notebook.

its over

2008-04-27T07:06:00.000-07:00

life's a wreck.

anticlimax;

2008-04-22T05:18:00.000-07:00

Is pretty much the understatement of the year. Yes, that is how I feel, seeing how I've been slapped an in-your-face deluge of endless rejection letters. It's almost poetic when they tell you that the last letter i receive is a waitlist. sigh.
I am now trying to arrange interviews with nus and smu law faculties, attempting to secure a good degree here. I know, you all are laughing at me, seeing my high and lofty aspirations cut down and now having to do what everyone else is doing. fuck.

I am however, unrepentant and am going to try to apply for other schools next year. heh.

It's a rare break for us. I think after days of sleeping at 11 plus they have decided to give us a break. ahahah nice!

rosetorn

2008-04-19T07:49:00.000-07:00

It's another lovely saturday night and I'm sitting in in my bedroom again. It's such a lovely place with all the photos of my loved ones, giftss, watches, soft toys, gadgets and other paraphenalia that are scattered across my table. It might look like crap to you but hey, its my crap.

As i read the letters, I realised how each one of them might sound silly when read by other people but they all contain memories. Memories which i hope i never forget cause they really bring a smile to my face when i read it.

Have I done something stupid? time will tell.

Saw this off somewhere

It's ok to be angry, and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know.
When you get lonely and no one's around
you know that i'll catch you when no one's around
weekends together but you left your home
and i know how it feels like to walk all alone
maybe someday i will see you again
and you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend.

shortlived;

2008-04-13T04:58:00.000-07:00

The book out was

reminisce

2008-04-08T06:54:00.000-07:00

It seems so long ago when we were two wide eyed teens eagerly planning for a bright azure future.

That's gone now.

realize

2008-04-06T00:40:00.000-07:00

It's never easy easy trying to adjust to something. Especially when the world you know has collapsed and changed into something that you don't know.

Today was Parent's visiting day and I got to see my family again after 2 weeks of jail. I missed them. The questions were predictable but I could see that they were proud of me and what I have done. I guess that should give me sufficient motivation to last through the next months.

I feel weirdly empty and I don't really know how to describe this. Friends which I have painstakingly bonded to are transferred to other wings which means I probably will never see them again. It's amazing what doing 2 weeks of shit together can do for team spirit.
They are leaving tmr after the junior bar presentation. It's gonna be 2 white bars on my shoulders on monday.

I have been hearing many horror stories about whats gonna happen tonight. I'M PREPARED. yeah right.

I hope you're alright.

smashed

2008-04-01T01:12:00.001-07:00

Hello all! can you believe it, we get computers in our bunks at ocs?

Sigh. OCS really sucks. Every day is a struggle and its mentally exhausting.

Received horrid news. Harvard, Yale, chicago and cornell rejected me. Fuck.

ah heh

2008-03-21T17:40:00.000-07:00

Its 8am and I have been awake since 7 despite sleeping at 2. Somehow, my body is slowly being adjusted back into army life (noooooooooooooooooooooooo). I guess I half-expected it, that I would get into the insane OCS course. My parents are understandably delighted and I am filled with dread that I would just die there. Never mind, think of the incredible paycheck!

I saw this quote a couple of days ago;

If you could choose what would happen in your life, life would be a whole lot less complicated, but much less beautiful.

pray

2008-03-18T05:08:00.000-07:00

I was going for a run today at the clementi canal when I saw this group of teenagers praying in a group. Wanting to kaypoh, I chose to do my cool down there and eavesdrop. Turns out one of their peers is very sick and they are praying for her now.

Looking at them pray, I was struck by how beautiful a prayer is. When you see someone close their eyes, clasp their hands and just BELIEVE; Believe that somehow by saying a few words, a divine being will change the circumstance they are trapped in. It really is very wonderful when you see how they just defy logic and science and just will whatever they believe to come true.

I am not a very devout christian but this is one of the few reasons why i continually go to church. The beauty of prayer.

life is beautiful

2008-03-17T09:21:00.000-07:00

is it, really?

I don't know.

My life now is freaking awesome where I get to do the things I want and there are no annoying sergeants to come screw me.

But the thing is, I gotta start to acclimatise back to army life cause its gonna be a long long period of hell up next.

Brightsparks is possibly the most annoying and depressing website one can ever come up with. The designer of it is fucking atrocious. So much insane forms to fill in and you dare call your application easy.

I know many of my friends are upset over their results and I hope this quote cheers you up.

If you could choose the things that happen to you, Life would be a whole lot simpler, but much less beautiful.

See it as a test of yourself. Those 5 letters cant possibly spell out whether you will be a success or failure. So please do have the stomach for the fight and fight on!

pee oh pee

2008-03-13T18:40:00.000-07:00

And so ends my 9 weeeks stint as Leopard. I must admit, I had grown rather accustomed to the companionship and camaderie during my time there.
Leopard 4 section 2 was the sickest pullup section which i invariably always ended up bottom.
I do hope we stay in touch, or better stick together in whichever command school we go to. That would be nice =D.

MY A levels were kinda screwy and it really sucks whenever i think of that @#$%@$#^@ C. I guess you win some and you lose most of them. sigh.

i don't know

2008-03-07T17:07:00.000-08:00

I don't like the fact that I'm in control of my life now.
I think i liked the fact that my life was planned ahead of me and i did not need to worry about where my life would go.

pain

2008-02-15T05:40:00.000-08:00

It really is amazing how I miss you so much.
It is even more amazing when you cut me to shreds.
Maybe I have changed
or maybe you have changed.
The thing is
is there still a happily ever after?

thunder

2008-02-08T23:02:00.000-08:00

Your voice is the soundtrack of my summer
do you know you're unllike any other?
You'll always be my thunder

they say in the army

2008-02-06T09:06:00.000-08:00

TO maintain my sanity in army, I must:

1. Change underwear regularly. (You'd be surprised how many people fail to do that)

2. Read the papers.

3. Eat fruits and my centrum tablets.

4. Do not misfire, or do anything that will get me into trouble.

5. make full use of my time out.

Field camp is up next. Shudders.

parting is such bittersweet sorrow;

2008-02-02T23:39:00.000-08:00

I'm staring at this white box as I have been for the past 20 minutes or so and I just can't seem to find the right words to say.

take me home; where I belong

2008-02-02T08:06:00.001-08:00

It's my second bookout and I think I'm starting to cope with NS life.
The wonderful thing about NS is that because the tasks are so inanely mindless and boring, you get to think. To think about what you want, and what matters to you.
TO think about what you want to do with your life, and who you want to be in your life.
It sounds incredibly ironic but in a way this 2 years could give you the time you always wanted to reflect and decide on what is the next best move to take in your journey through life.
This might sound a little far fetched but we might actually benefit from this enslavement.

On a much cheerier note, thanks for all the messages. They kept me alive =D
<3

This world is actually very beautiful, did you know that?

here we go again; same old shit again

2008-01-27T01:39:00.000-08:00

I miss you ):

poignant.

2008-01-24T20:21:00.000-08:00

He had replayed this moment a thousand times in his mind and every night he thought of this meeting.

He held her close and he said it the way everyone said it.

He mumbled "I missed you so much."

hello goodbye

2008-01-08T16:06:00.000-08:00

It's 2hours till i go in.
I'll miss all of you, definitely.

To all who sms-ed me, thank you very very much =D

Baby just say good night,
I'll be gone tomorrow
Baby just close your eyes
I can't take the sorrow
Baby just walk away
You know i can't stay
There's no easy way to say goodbye
So baby just say goodnight.

apprehension

2008-01-07T07:34:00.000-08:00

Its approximately 40 hours before i go for National Service and I really don't feel good. I really can sense the sinking feeling of doom as every minute ticks by. I lack motivation and there's a sick sadistic kind of pressure building up in me. fuck.

I hope I get to eat a real good meal with you tmr. That would improve my mood by alot.

round round

2008-01-03T06:38:00.000-08:00

What is your aim in life? Is there a purpose to it?

I guess I've never thought of it. I think I just want to be the best that I can be; To be the best and to achieve all that is humanly possible I guess.

But what is enough? A new car? A nice apartment?

Now that you mention it, I guess the most likely answer I can give you is that it wil never be enough.

Since it's never going to be enough, then why bother?

........

I just though of that conversation I had with kc a long long time ago.

I think the month I had working in a trading firm really wised me up to the world. I always thought I had the brains for trading but looking at the high octane lives those people lead really make me think twice.

Which again makes me think why do I want to do this inanely stressful and crazy job? Why have I always wanted to stand in shenton way, screaming orders worth a few african nations?

I guess I'm a sucker for pain.

Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.

if i told you you were

2007-12-27T01:09:00.000-08:00

I am no professional and I am not a nice person.

I don't want to rant but when you tell me something and then don't do it, it doesn't help.

It really fucking doesn't help.

the end is in sight

2007-12-26T18:27:00.001-08:00

2 more insipid dull days. yeah.

work work

2007-12-23T17:30:00.000-08:00

I'm now back in the dull, dull office and my eyes are closing.

I didn't sleep well at all and I kept waking up to pee. Also, the excitement of Man Utd vs Everton kept the adrenaline pumping in me.

My ipod is now playing My chemical Reomance's Disenchanted.

It really is a beautiful song.

A wish

2007-12-17T23:17:00.001-08:00

hello stephanie leonidas.

I have decided.

The coolest thing anyone can give me for christmas is the Mirrormask Dvd.

for all time

2007-12-17T21:58:00.001-08:00

ipod vs the casette tape.
Who wins?

Click here to find out.

this totally made my day.

maybe they'll leave me alone

2007-12-17T19:45:00.000-08:00

His name is Kaka.
He belongs to jesus (:

Congrats to him on winning the World Player of the Year.
Channel NewsAsia played a short tribute to him in the news this morning.

I really like football. I may not be very good at it, but I love it all the same.

It really is a wonderful game.

Lonely

2007-12-16T03:38:00.000-08:00

15 days before the end of the year and the recurring theme of 2007 would be that of loneliness, of failure and of despondency.
Looking at the pictures taken with people, I see my happy faces but it does seem to be just a mask for our underlying problems.
I remember when I first came into Hwachong, the principal said "Hwachong is not just a place for you to excel academically; It is also a haven for you to build lasting relationships with peers of your own age."
Now I dare say I have finished Junior College and yet all I feel is a sense that JC does not bring people together; It just drives people apart.

I guess it was always going to be a tall order when you put the brightests minds of the nation under one roof and expect them to be one big happy family. Over the past 2 years, I have seen how people increasingly lived for themselves. For their dreams, for their aspirations.

I am not going to use this post to accuse people of selfishness and greed because lets face it: If we didn't work for ourselves, we wouldn't be here.
And there is nothing wrong with living for yourself.
I myself have given up lots of class outings, soccer sessions and whatnot to study for whatever test or exam to give me a leg up over my peers.

Having done all that, all I can feel is a feeling of regret. Regret that I never got to interact with the people in my class; Regret on how my classmates are going to end up as increasingly distant acquaintances till they fade into the obscurity of my memories.

I do treasure the few friends I have made, and I do hope that we can still keep in touch.

Now, this post may seem to be an emo rant but I do not feel emo. I am strangely bereft of emotion and this does seem to be comforting in a strange twisted kind of way.

This year has seen the making of friends, the strengthening of old relationships, they fading of others.
I guess this is how humanity works.

Nevertheless, I am thankful for the experiences I have experienced this year. From heartwrenching agony of soccer to the exciting periods of the first three months when I had like 28 angels, I have sampled a plethora of experiences.

I am sorry for how fragmented and disorganised this post seems but this is just a way for me to pen down all my thoughts.

The only time we waste our life is when we think we are alone. -Mitch Albom

A recurring topic I have used for a great majority of my univesity applications is that of dreams. While talking to some of my friends, I realise that many of them held such great dreams and yet did not do anything concrete to realise their dreams. It is kinda sad as you see how people just accepted that dreams do not come true and they did a job they hated to survive; to allow them to gain social recognition and to go with the flow.

I hope that it does not come to this for me as I have great dreams for myself. Really.

A passage that I particularly enjoy is that by steve jobs.

This speech was entitled Stay hungry, Stay foolish and it was given to the Graduating class of 2005, Stanford University.

Excerpt:"
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. Yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. One day, you too will die and you will be replaced. Sorry for sounding so melodramatic but that is the way it is. And that is the way it should be, as death is the single best invention of life. It changes life, clearing out the old for the new. And this is important as this means your time is limited, don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other people's opinions drown out your inner voice. Most importantly, have the courage to follow your own heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. This approach has always worked for me and I believe it would work for you too.

(:

a picture says....

2007-12-15T23:57:00.000-08:00

enough said.

):

2007-12-12T16:00:00.000-08:00

Smile fades in the summer; I'll leave when I wanna

2007-12-11T15:26:00.000-08:00

It seems even the gods are trying to prevent me from exercising as everyday when I reach home the skies are pouring. Oh well, who am I to argue with divine intervention. (:

Had a really nice talk with QingSheng last night. It has been ages since I last saw him and I think we're meeting this weekend! A nice, faggy drinking session or something. YUPP (:

And I really can't believe the way Singapore got pwned last night. Wtf wtf wtf to thailand wtf wtf wtf.

top of the world

2007-12-09T21:54:00.001-08:00

all the roads lead to where you are;
and all the street lights shine like they were stars

2007-12-09T19:35:00.000-08:00

It's my lunch break now and I've been surfing up on some old friends blogs and trying to read up on their life. I do feel a tinge of nostalgia especially when I see how much we have changed. I don't think I will recognise them if i pass them on the street and neither do i think they will recognise me.
Which is really kind of sad cause I've never been very good with the whole best friends forever kind of thing. I'm irritable, short tempered and sometimes just plain annoying. I have little patience especially with incompetence, definitely.
I guess this is why the friends that i DO manage to hold for long are people I would stick with come hell or high water. I am thankful to all of you and I do hope that we can stay like this.
I remeber the days of Primary School where we were all in Blue Shorts and Yellow Shirts and we were are round and cuddly cute. It seems a lifetime ago but that was when I seriously looked forward to school where we played catching during recess and ate Jelly that cost 20 cents for lunch.
Miraculously, I still remember my Primary school teachers especially a Ms Teo during Primary 3 which planted the budding seeds of anger and angst into me. She gave me hell, oh yeah.

I just thought that all I can think about my past life is school, school and more school related activities. My mother always tells me of how she had so much fun out of school and when its my turn I don't have any such recollection. Bloody hell.

I think Up Against The Wall by Boys Like Girls is one of my favourite songs now and I have looped it in my ipod for the past half an hour.
Ok I have 20 mins of lunch left. bye.

work sucks, I know

2007-12-07T07:18:00.000-08:00

To all of you that gripe on how studying isn't fun and is boring, how would you like to spend your whole day filing, digging out name cards from a bucket and entering the details into a microsoft excel file, photocopying 280324 copies of something that looks like gibberish to you?
No?
Good. Start studying.
Cause work is seriously seriously @#$%@#$% leh. Every morning I wake up and I drag my ass to shenton way. I seriously do not know how people can live like that, where the office is deathly quiet with no one willing to smile or talk to you. I miss school. ):
School is how slack lah.

Anyways I've finished majority of my applications except the middlebury one. Heh I hope I have not just thrown about approximately 1k into the rubbish bin.

EDIT: Ok after much thought work isn't that bad. My supervisors are all moving millions of dollars everyday to buy grain and wheat futures (I work in a trading firm) and it does look terribly exciting. But to get there, you gotta study. Get it?

the rat race

2007-12-04T22:30:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting in at my desk now and im struggling to keep my eyes open. tequila is awesome, but tequila 4 hours before work is not.

prom was fun. please, facebook the photos.

sleepover

2007-11-18T20:24:00.000-08:00

Stayed over at hung's house last night. Was imba fun where we got silly drunk and watched Blades of Glory. It was a totally wtf kind of show, but yeah, never had so much fun for a long time.
Last paper! A 4D style question paper, where you choose one correct option from 4. Sounds really easy, right?

HAHA to Olivia; Oh my sounds bad leh if your papers were like econs. Econs was #%$^!@* to me.

To anyone that reads this, Good LUCK! Hang in there, A levels almost over!

heart

2007-11-05T00:46:00.000-08:00

Just finished chem. It was a very very 勉强 ok lah. But I know i gave it my best shot (:

A levels going to finish soon! I was looking through my old photos and i saw this shot i took of NJC. It was during orientation and the canoe team had a team that says

"All it takes is all you've got".

All it takes for me to live my (numerous) dreams and be all that i can be, is all i've got. Hell yeah.

modern minds and pasttimes

2007-11-01T07:17:00.000-07:00

Maybe we're trying; trying too hard
maybe we're torn apart.
maybe the timing
is beating the odds

we're empty

and we don't give a damn

2007-10-27T05:28:00.000-07:00

Had the most lung-racking cough today. My lungs are tired.
I'm so so sick of studying.

cry

2007-10-25T08:05:00.001-07:00

I have seen tears
I have seen pain
Crying on your shoulders
For your name

Do you see my guilt
Should I feel fine?
Is the fire of hesitation
Burning bright

If you want to
talk about it once again
Come and sit with me
and cry, on my shoulder
once again
I'm a friend.

2007-10-25T00:08:00.001-07:00

argh.

insommnia

2007-10-22T13:09:00.000-07:00

It's exactly 4am now, and I can't get back to sleep.
It's just one of those days when you toss and turn the whole time with no effect.
So here I am, staring at this screen, trying to pen down my latest thoughts.

I heard stories, of how friends are struggling to get their act together for the A-levels. And i see them slacking or giving up on themselves.

If you think you fit this description, please; Close this browser and hit the books. If you fuck A-levels up, You would be 18 years old, with no employable skills, a decent O-level cert, essentially young and hopeless.
What's next then? Australia is always a good option to run away. Their universities accept candidates with wide-ranging scores. Yet their universities are very, very expensive. Can you afford it? More importantly, can you live with yourself when you blow a sizable chunk (if not all) of your parent's retirement savings and/or coffin-money?

Another options would be those wtf-kind of American universities, where they have just-started, and are hence willing to accept anyone, even paying for you to go there. But this certificate is highly dubious to anyone. Would anyone accept it?

Locally, polytechnics beckon. But that would be a highly roundabout manner to get a diploma.

"Tertiary institutes" such as uniSIM, MDIS, KAPLAN also exist, but really what's the point? You can top the class or school there and a NUS student would still get more credit.

Like I said, Young and Hopeless.

When we're 80, I'm sure that we would understand our lives better than now. We all are here for a purpose; That I'm sure. But I wish someone could show me the way.
I really respect people who are able to grow the balls and drop out (bill gates) to pursue their dreams. I certainly don't dare to.

doing the joga

2007-10-19T18:35:00.001-07:00

I just played street soccer for the first time in like two months. ohhhh my arms and legs ache..

SATs coming out soon!

. . . - - - . . .

2007-10-16T01:46:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to do this.
It's so tiring.
It's like the harder i try, the more i backslide.
I tried; I really tried.

I feel so burnt out. Ok, i know you have to study hard in the first place to get burnt out and my level of work (or rather lack of) has been appalling when compared to my energizer o-level kind of pia in the first place. I really have been bumming around, playing winning eleven (YES I SIGNED BERBATOV), snacking, sleeping, essentially everything but study.

Like I said, Burnt out.

This wasn't supposed to be like this

At least, I think so.

Can't I fast forward to 1st December, when i can finally bid adios to all this?

I am so gonna build the biggest bonfire in the world, fueled purely by the staggering amounts of notes that i have studiously collected, filled in, consumed and regurgitated in my examinations.

My table is now strewn with millions of pieces of paper and i have resorted to studying at my sister's table. hah.

fuck man.

grad night!

2007-10-11T01:04:00.001-07:00

We're into the whole whips and chains thing.

how we've changed.

Grad night was the typical photowhore kinda experience. fun!

muse

2007-10-07T05:15:00.000-07:00

It's a wonderful sunday. The weather has been excellent.
The night air is cooling; The crescent moon is bright.
I'm mugging my life out.
Youth is really wasted on the young.

SATs

2007-10-06T05:47:00.001-07:00

have recently concluded; with me taking them for the 2nd time.

I have just concluded prelims, with getting a decent BBDE, plus B for gp. Can't say I'm satisfied, though i hope this goes on to show that i can get the AAAA for A-levels.
Life is one big mug, and everyone in school is getting paler and fairere by the lack of exercise. Some (like me) have uniforms that grow increasingly tighter as each day passes. The library is now one favourite haunt and everyone, no matter jock or geek, stakes his/her claim at the library.

The demographics at the library are as follows.
1. If you want to mug in silence (due to panic) or if you just have no friends or if you just had ginger and is now farting like an exhaust pipe, you take the cubicles. Located along the perimeter of the library, they offer complete isolation as though you live in a sound proof bubble. Of course, couples can often be seen making out. Just leave if the rocking and moans get too distracting.

2. The computer tables are also an excellent option. Many, frustrated by the lack of nice seats, then take the computer tables. They place their card on the ez-link desk and then proceed to take that slot for 6 whole hours. Of course, they do not actually use the computer. They activate the internet browser, then leave it at the hci homepage and then claim right of usage for the next 6 hours. One can almost hear the desperate J1s clawing them into shreds mentally to use the terminal for their pw.

3. The last, and most popular option of studying in the library are the social mugging. Referred to colloquially as S and S ( Socialising and Studying), this is also widely accepted as the least effective form of mugging in the library. Many groups of people there take this time to make up for their pitiful social lives and have social interactions there.During peak hours, the place is a jungle of activity. Classes have been known to "set-up shop" there, taking one entire row there and proceed to talk, chat, laugh, gossip, fold paper airplanes and essentially do everything other than study.

Ok please don't sue me.

ugly betty!

2007-10-04T01:47:00.000-07:00

leaving the life of a dropout these days. School certainly seems pointless now. Lessons pass and i waste all that time travelling....

SATs this saturday. I seriously seriously seriously hope i don't fuck this up this time.

I've been watching ugly betty everyday! my favourite show now heh heh.

To anyone that cares im really really sorry for the ridiculously short posts. WIll give a good long update after this saturday.

the dream

2007-10-02T07:16:00.000-07:00

Blood, Sweat, Tears

parental love

2007-09-30T07:07:00.000-07:00

All parents damage their children. It is akin to one holding glass. The careful ones hold it carefully but inadvertently smudge it, crack it. The damage a parent does to a child can be small, but also, can smash the child into little pieces, beyond repair.
Damage, can be taken literally as violence. It however can take a much more deadly manifestation of that of neglect, of aloofness and of despair.

slow spinning redemption

2007-09-29T01:12:00.000-07:00

Got back a majority of my prelim results yesterday. It certainly is very very disappointing to see something that you put in so mouch work for.....

Anyways I think I'm gonna apply to
1. Yale
2. Princeton
3. Columbia
4. Dartmouth
5. University of Chicago

yeah yeah i know im aiming high. But mai yi ge xi wang right?
If i don't apply cannot sleep ah.
hahahha.

I just stole a big pile of Archie comics from the reading corner downstairs ((:
Sian lah. really sian lah.

The Phoenix's Lament

2007-09-19T04:56:00.000-07:00

It's a sad sad world.
Prelims is just about over. I think i did they best i could for my papers.
I shall accept whatever result with a positive attitude.
Most of the papers were okay though.

Up next is SAT.I really really really want that perfect score BAD.
I want to go overseas and leave this place.
really really badly.
I must do well.

I guess no one is really that close to people you see in jc. I guess other than my close group of friends of the people i hang out with, i don't really know much people.

I mean, their faces are all a blur and there's really no motivation to bother to know a person if you are (possibly) never going to see him/her for the rest of your life.

I read this random blog and i realised the blogger was right; JC is an in-out thing. It's a preparation process for a new, exciting life in university.

My mind is tired. My heart is excited. I need you.

just a...

2007-09-16T22:39:00.001-07:00

Thats it. I'm sick of you Newcastle. you better win tonight.
I know you're sponsor NORTHERN ROCK just folded and millions withdrew their accounts on friday.
BUt you have cost me enough weekly allowances.
Win.
Or i'll unleash this.

in it's adult form on you. It won't be pretty.

I'm tired.

2007-09-12T19:28:00.001-07:00

very.